Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Randomize
