im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Ladies don't puke and tell
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
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