god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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