2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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