Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
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