So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
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there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
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you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Pants are for mortals
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
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