and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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