i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
