He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
