I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
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