I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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