I wish I could punch you in the face.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
She proposed we share a dildo. Hopefully she was joking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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