Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
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