i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
