I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
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It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
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No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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