Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
i can't even hate his new girlfriend cuz she survived a fucking brain tumor. like that's just not fair.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
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