I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
my mouth tastes like poor choices
her vagine was all disorganized.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
I haven't felt more like a college student than when I woke up this morning naked with my sociology textbook in front of me and my bong in my left hand.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
