dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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