yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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