I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
Randomize