one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
Randomize
