ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
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