All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
she told me i tasted like america
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
