it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I forgot wine drunk hurts
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
