it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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