Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
I drink to make the karaoke go away.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
i now understand why vodka
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
