I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
should my penis look like a turkey
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
