toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
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