dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
