i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
