I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Jill you already won the game by finding a dude who will fuck you in flamingo knee socks. Theres no hope for the rest of us
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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