I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Randomize
