hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
No. You are not the Kate in this relationship. I will do what I want.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
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