I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
