i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
