I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My day in three words: secret purse cake
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
Randomize
