all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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