Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
Randomize
