He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Randomize
