dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Randomize
