I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Dad danced with a girl half his age and her boyfriend just sat at the bar and waited for dad to be done. I bought pity nachos.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
snapping my married booty call and next thing I know a plan b ad pops up
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Randomize
