I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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