One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
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