i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
Randomize
