anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
