im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
