can we get nightvision for the apartment?
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
Randomize
