my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
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