He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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