the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
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