tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
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