Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
