I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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