I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
Randomize
