i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
