remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Randomize
