I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
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So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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