I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Randomize
